I carefully calculated each move, cautious… cognitive. Like a lion in pre-pounce position upon a bed of dry leaves amidst his preoccupied prey. Mentally locked in on my target, however, eyes purposely wondering as to divert attention from my intention. A concoction of adrenaline and nervousness is being served with a side of recklessness and fed to the silver back gorilla who’s obviously trapped in my chest cavity. (BOOM BOOM! BOOM BOOM! BOOM BOOM!)
Patiently awaiting a breach in the mundane that I could justify as occasion to advance. Wait a minute… this might be it!…… She’s smiling! She’s coming closer! She hugs me! She’s….. leaving? I’m such and idiot! Man, (sigh) if procrastination is the thief of time, uncertainty is the hardened assassin of opportunity. As the distance between her car keys and ignition grow shorter, I quietly conjure a recovery operative. I’m thinking to myself… “there’s still time to salvage my hope of escaping the friend zone.” But I must act now!
Okay this is it, the long anticipated introduction of rubber and road. Let’s focus baby… like a concentration boost in my jamba juice. I speak, “Um… wah… wait, hold up a sec!” She turns, (giggling) “Yes?” Think quick bro! “Oh ah, your necklace… is that a Tiffany?” She stops, “Ummm… yeah.” Excellent. Not only did she stop, but by pretending to examine her bling, I’ve advanced to prime positioning for my strike. Think about it. Her chain fashionably fastened to her neck, and my hands all over it. The only thing that stands between my location and my objective is a cute little chin…. I’m a genius.
Here we go! Eyes closed, thrust and kiss…. Wow!... I did it, I actually did it. I mean yeah, it lasted all of 0.5 seconds and our mouths were closed, BUT STILL, she has been kissed.
Awaiting her reaction sort of feels like bracing myself in an underground bunker for the imminent impact of a bomb I personally saw deployed. Alright… I’m ready for it… what’s the verdict? My anticipation is being tortured by silence and calm. And finally she leaves. Yeah! You heard me…. She just leaves. Smiling softly, right before she closes her car door and disappears in the after glow of white reverse and red brake lights she says…. “I saw that coming from a mile away.”